nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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