Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
