I am puke
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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