I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
