This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
