Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
