dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
