I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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