i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
