All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
