some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
