Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
