...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Damn victory sex feels great
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize