I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
