I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
