SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
