When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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