end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize