So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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