i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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