it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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