guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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