Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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