remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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