trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
