oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Im part way to drunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
