Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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