What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
