dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
