ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
