toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
