thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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