You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
