It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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