Can Purell be used as lube?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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