Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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