you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
