All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
