I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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