my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
