yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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