Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
