My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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