real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
