he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
