Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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