Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
