Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You took a bar mat shot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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