NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
