We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
