His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
