hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
