Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
