The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Are we still banned from the library?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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