Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
