By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
