Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
