I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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