Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
