at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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