I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize