Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
