I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
