3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
