non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
