he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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