Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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