I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
