Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
