Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
