Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
