when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
