so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he wants to bone in the snuggie
vagina is talking i cant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
