I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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