I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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