I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
