Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
