Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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