remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
