I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
