Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
